Updated: Mar 16
Owning who you are is a massive step forward. It is frightening beyond the call of duty, and until about last week I did not actually know what that meant.
It’s dawning on me now, and not least due to a small epiphany I had with an essential oil that was originally developed for digestive issues, out of all things… Oh, and by having dinner with my girl-friends, who clarified some of the shit that I place onto my own shovel in no uncertain terms for me.
Even trying to write it down brings out little bouts of nausea and fear, and that is not the person I am meant to be. I am meant to be this have-her-act-together yoga therapist, wellness coach, mum, leader of an amazing group of women, rooted oak-tree-wisdom-mama supporting the mental and emotional health of her clients, all while floating through her life in an essential oil infused serenity.
Yes. I am that. But I also often get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of tasks I have to do on a daily base. I am needed by a bunch of people who rely on me and pull me in every direction. ASD and ADD don't help, and on top of that I am currently in a situation where I am being repeatedly let down by someone I should be able to rely on, and while that is a different story, it certainly contributed to my mental state last week.
Christmas is coming up. I am hosting for family in our French home, which means: get all of us and all the presents down there, get presents in the first place, get paid before Christmas, sort out the home here for the holiday tenants, juggle work, study, blog, clients, be strong for the ones who need me - so far so normal, you probably have a life that is similarly overloaded right now.
Last Friday I felt as if I was overloaded to the brim. It was the proverbial brick too many on the horse cart. There was no food in the house and no time to eat it. My daughter was sick and needed to be picked up from school to be looked after. I littered the house with half-drunk cups of cold coffee, because I lost the cups. I constantly lost my phone, my wallet, my shoes, and eventually I simply burst into tears in the middle of the kitchen.
I made a list. Lists help, a little. One of the items was to sample someone who had digestive issues, and so I opened the bottle of Zengest to fill into a little sample bottle.
Oh. My. God. It smelled incredible. Not just incredible, it smelled like something I had waited for my entire life. Do you know that feeling when you are famished and freezing and enter a home where a lovely stew is simmering on the stove? That smell? That was it. I inhaled deep gulps right from the bottle and broke out in tears one more time. And I sat still for a little while. And then I was better. There was space in my mind, peace in my heart and the anxiety lump in my solar plexus was gone.
This was remarkable because normally Zengest is one of those blends that is quite nice, but I can take it or leave it. So I looked it up in Amanda Porters “Emotions and Essential Oils”
Here is what it says: “[...] The individual may have a tendency to take on too much at once. This overload of information and stimulation may lead to an emotional form of indigestion, where the individual cannot break down life experiences into palatable forms. The soul literally becomes overfed and undernourished, as it cannot translate its experiences into a usable form.”
Wow! Oils always come true for me, and the more I study and share and collect experiences, the more I see that living holistically is the only way to deal with everything. There is more in the book, but I can only encourage you to get it yourself - it is an invaluable tool for your journey with essential oils.
So, here is me, creating my own chicken-soup for the soul and owning up: My home situation is far from perfect, and I am changing it. My autism gets in the way of being calm, and I stop hiding that too. I feel like a fraud. Daily. Even when everyone tells me I’m not, I still know it, deep down. I am working on that too.
I love my girls and my work above all in life, and I am so grateful for all the opportunities I have been given. I love, love, love working with all of you who are my clients and students, and your wellness means the world to me.
If you want to join my tribe, and learn how to be better too, lets talk. Owning who you are is just part of the journey into better health.